It’s a crazy fact of human nature: If something’s hard to get, we see it as more worth getting.
That’s why “casual” sex has long been known as “cheap” sex. It’s not valuable.
But you are valuable. So why give your body away to someone who has made no commitment to “love, honor, and cherish” you?
Here are five great reasons why you deserve to be hard to get.
#1: You Are One of a Kind
There is no one else just like you. You were made unique, like your fingerprints, like a snowflake. You have value because you’re the only You in the whole world. That’s a fact, no matter who treats you that way—or doesn’t.
Treat yourself that way. Hold your head up, and reserve your Self for someone who loves you enough to commit to loving you “until death do us part.”
You’re not “a dime a dozen.” You don’t have to trade your body for “love” as if you were a commodity, as if there were twenty-five more of you waiting on the shelf.
#2: You Don’t Need a Stunted Relationship
Relationships that focus on the sexual side don’t fully develop the other areas that make relationships really rich.[1]
How can you talk about your dreams and disappointments if you’re making out? How can you find out his favorite color, talk about the future, meet each other’s friends?
Building a relationship on sex is like trying to grow a flower with only petals—you get no stem for strength in a storm, no leaves to provide food. It will only last until the petals fade.
Give your relationship time to mature into a deep, lasting friendship (without “benefits”). Like others before you, you’ll end up with a marriage filled with more stability and satisfaction, and—honestly—more pleasing sex. (See this article or this one for some of the research on that fact.)
#3: Live Free of the Worries that Go With Cheap Sex
We all say we want to be free. So why choose a path that makes you a slave to fear?
Being hard to get can keep you free from worries like these:
- Sexually transmitted diseases/infections
- Anxiety about someone finding out
- Unexpected pregnancy
- Painful cycles of hook-up, break-up, repeat
- The comparison game: comparing (or being compared) to previous lovers
- Confusion about whether you are truly loved or just being used
How much would you give to live free from those fears?
#4: Process of Elimination
Once word gets out that you’re going to stand your ground and not give away sex to every Todd, Nick, or Terrence that wants to ask you out, you’ll find a funny thing happens. Guys who only want your body without the rest of you will stay away in droves.
Sure, there may be one or two who think they’re going to talk you into compromise. But sticking to your resolve to only give your sexual self to your husband will label you “out of reach” for guys not interested in really loving you.
There. You’ve just weeded out a lot of jerks.
Only genuine gentlemen need apply.
#5: Honor Your Values
Have you ever heard about someone who gave away a family heirloom only to find out it was worth millions?
So it is with you if you give away what you should have cherished. Afterward, you have a boatload of regret to deal with. And try as you may to act as if it didn’t matter, deep inside, you know it did.
Regrets are signals that our values have been dishonored. And that’s no way to live. What you value deserves honor—from you, and from those you choose to be your friends. So honor your sense that you are valuable.
Start Now, Start New
Start now—from whatever point you’re at in your dating life—to resolve never (or never again) to give away your sexual self. Not until the day you and your partner promise to “love, honor, and cherish” one another for the rest of your lives. Then you will be bestowing a beautiful gift on one who has promised to be worthy of it.
Even if you have let your values slip already, you can start today to reclaim the high road. Resolve to preserve your integrity from now on. You’ll find that starting over gives you a new perspective, a new sense of your worth, and the chance to form new habits in dating.
You’re Worth It
At Choices Pregnancy Center, we work with lots of people who are sorting out how they want to deal with their sexuality. We’re not about judging. We’re about empowering you to transform into the person you most want to be. The person you were made to be.
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Call or text us today. We’ll give you a safe place to talk through these issues
and to develop a game plan for living life the way you know is best.
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[1] Mark Regnerus, PhD, author of Premarital Sex in America, says that couples who “prioritize sex promptly at the outset of a relationship often find their relationships underdeveloped when it comes to the qualities that make relationships stable and spouses reliable and trustworthy.”