Mapmaker Mom: Choosing the Better of Two Paths

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Woman With a Choice to MakeYou’ve decided to see your pregnancy through. You already know that your life is changing to bring life to this new little person. You have taken a very mature step in considering the needs of your child ahead of your own comfort and convenience. That says a lot about your ability to make sacrifices for another person’s good.

You are ready to begin mapping out a plan that will set your child on a course for the kind of life you want her to have.

Getting From Here to There

Drawing a map begins with knowing where you want to end up. What do you want your child’s life to look like? Try asking yourself these questions:

  • When I picture my child in a happy home, what does that happy home look like?
  • Is having a married mother and a father important for my child?
  • What necessities will my child need in order to get the things I believe matter? (You might list things like education, clothing, food, and safe shelter.)
  • What kind of environment do I want to provide for my child? (Do you value a close-knit family? Do you dream of giving her access to certain activities? Do you want her to be raised in a particular faith tradition?)

As your child’s mother, your decisions now can map your child’s course to the life you want for her.

The next big question you need to ask yourself may just be the hardest—

Can I Provide This Kind of Life?

You really have two pathways for creating this ideal life for your child: you can raise your child yourself, or you can choose a family who can raise your child the way you want her raised.

You’ve begun accepting change in your life for your child’s sake. Are you already the kind of parent you want your child to have? If not, are you willing to do the work it may take to become that parent? Do you have access to the personal support and material resources you’ll need to raise this child?

At Choices Pregnancy Center, we can walk through these questions with you. Through our Earn While You Learn program you can learn how to be a better parent. At the same time, you can earn Baby Bucks that can “buy” you many of the supplies you need early on. We can also refer you to services right here in our community that can help.

On the other hand, even with these forms of help, creating a happy home for your child may be out of your reach at this time. You may want your child to start out in a family that has been established longer and is already prepared to love and provide for a child in ways you don’t feel you can. If so, then adoption may be your top choice.

There are many paths to finding qualified, loving families to adopt your child—including in-family adoptions and working through an adoption agency. We’d be happy to discuss those avenues with you, so you can explore this option more fully.

It might help to read a story like this one, of a real mom making an adoption plan for her child.

Hearing Voices?

There may be many voices pushing you toward one option or the other. Be careful to listen only to the voices that affirm the things that matter most to you.

  • “Be Afraid.” Acting out of fear can lead you to rash or regrettable decisions. Pause to identify what you feel afraid of: people’s opinions? grief and loss? rumors you’ve heard? Some fears turn out not to be valid once you really know the facts. Some fears should definitely be faced as real. Other fears you can dismiss by determining to act upon your own personal values, not others’.
  • “Be Responsible.” Recognize that you are taking responsibility for your child when you decide who will raise her—whether it’s you or another set of parents you select.
  • “Beware the Unknown.” Don’t make a decision without gathering information about both options. You might be surprised to find out you actually prefer a different option once you’ve considered it from an informed position.

Considering Is Not the Same as Deciding

Thinking about both parenting and adopting doesn’t commit you to either option. It simply means you are serious about choosing the very best life for your child.

You should feel free to explore all the pros and cons of both options without feeling pressure toward one or the other. Not from your friends or family, not from Choices Pregnancy Center, and certainly not from ignorance.

This is your child we’re talking about. You have the right to ask all your questions and weigh all the answers.

A Place to Do Your Thinking

If the approach we’ve described appeals to you, then come on in. We are here to listen and to coach you through the thinking process, asking questions from all the angles you want to look at.

You can feel confident that you’ve made the best decision for your child’s life. You’re already off to a good start. Considering your future options carefully is the next step toward giving your child a great life.

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Ready to talk through your thoughts on parenting and adopting?
Come chat with us. Text or call for an appointment today.

While you’re here, pick up your FREE copy of the booklet, “Choosing the Best for Your Baby.”
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Additional helpful sites:

Myths about adoption: busted – https://www.choicespregnancycenter.com/adoption-you-need-to-know-its-not-just-giving-up/

Loads of useful information – http://americanpregnancy.org/adoption/

Catelynn, star of “16 and Pregnant” and “Teen Mom,” shares her adoption story in this video – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDT8L94Y4B4

Child Adoption Laws in Minnesota – http://www.childadoptionlaws.com/child_adoption_laws/adoption_laws_minnesota.htm

Adoption Agencies:

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